The Science of Regret: Understanding Post-Decision Emotions

11 July 2025

Regret. We've all felt it. That nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach after making a choice you now wish you hadn't. Maybe it was a job opportunity you passed up, a relationship you ended, or even something as small as picking the wrong dish at a restaurant.

But what is regret, really? And why does it have such a powerful grip on our emotions? Science has a lot to say about this complex feeling. Let’s dive deep into the psychology of regret, why we feel it, and how we can manage it better.

What Is Regret?

Regret is an emotional response to a decision or action that we perceive as wrong or suboptimal. It often comes with feelings of disappointment, sadness, or frustration. But it’s not just about wishing things had gone differently—it’s about believing that the alternative choice would have led to a better outcome.

Psychologists define regret as a counterfactual emotion—one that arises when we compare reality to an imagined scenario. It’s like playing a mental game of "what if?" and convincing ourselves that we missed out on something better.

The Psychology Behind Regret

Regret isn’t just a fleeting emotion—it’s deeply rooted in our cognitive processes. Our brains are wired to evaluate and re-evaluate choices, constantly assessing whether we made the "right" decision.

1. The Role of Counterfactual Thinking

Counterfactual thinking is our brain's way of considering "what could have been." We analyze past actions, wondering how things might have turned out if we'd chosen differently.

There are two types of counterfactual thinking:
- Upward counterfactuals: When we imagine a better outcome than reality—this fuels regret.
- Downward counterfactuals: When we picture a worse outcome—this can actually make us feel relieved.

For example, if you skip an event and later hear that it was amazing, you’ll feel regret (upward counterfactual). On the other hand, if you hear it was terrible, you’ll feel relief (downward counterfactual).

2. The Brain and Regret: Neurobiology at Play

Regret isn’t just an abstract feeling—it has a distinct neural basis. Studies using fMRI scans show that the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) is heavily involved in processing regret.

The OFC helps us evaluate decisions and outcomes, and when we perceive that we’ve made a poor choice, this area lights up with activity. Essentially, our brain keeps track of missed opportunities, making us more likely to dwell on them.

3. Why Some People Regret More Than Others

Not everyone experiences regret in the same way. Some people are naturally more prone to overthinking and self-criticism, making them more susceptible to regret. Here’s why:

- Personality traits: People high in neuroticism tend to ruminate more, leading to stronger regret.
- Decision-making styles: Those who struggle with decisiveness or perfectionism are more likely to regret choices.
- Cultural influences: Some cultures emphasize personal responsibility more than others, intensifying feelings of regret.

Why We Regret Some Decisions More Than Others

Not all regrets are created equal. Some decisions haunt us for years, while others fade quickly. Why? It depends on a few factors:

1. Big vs. Small Decisions

A missed career opportunity lingers in your mind longer than choosing the wrong meal for lunch. The bigger the stakes, the heavier the regret.

2. Action vs. Inaction

Interestingly, research shows that we regret inaction more than action in the long run. Immediate regrets often stem from bad actions (saying something hurtful, making a rash decision), but lifelong regrets usually come from what we didn’t do—the dreams we abandoned, the risks we avoided.

3. Lost Opportunities vs. Correctable Mistakes

Regret over things we can’t change (like not pursuing a passion) tends to last longer than regret over things we can fix. If you regret a fight with a friend, an apology can resolve it. But if you regret never going to college, that feeling might stick with you.

Can Regret Be Useful?

Surprisingly, regret isn’t all bad. While it’s unpleasant, it serves psychological and social functions:

- It helps us learn: Regret teaches us lessons to make better choices in the future.
- It strengthens relationships: Feeling bad about hurting someone can push us to make amends.
- It motivates change: Regret can serve as a wake-up call to shift direction in life.

In fact, studies suggest that people who experience regret are often more careful decision-makers over time.

How to Manage Regret and Move Forward

Regret is a part of life, but dwelling on it can be emotionally draining. Here’s how to cope with it effectively:

1. Shift Your Perspective

Instead of focusing on what went wrong, reframe the situation. Ask yourself: What did I learn from this? How has this experience shaped me for the better?

2. Practice Self-Compassion

We’re often our own worst critics. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend. Everyone makes mistakes, but they don’t define you.

3. Take Action Where Possible

If your regret is fixable, act on it. Reconnect with an old friend, enroll in that course, start that project. Regret without action only deepens over time.

4. Let Go of Things Beyond Your Control

Sometimes, regret stems from things we had no control over. In these cases, acceptance is key. Holding onto what we can’t change only prolongs suffering.

5. Limit Overthinking

Rumination fuels regret. When you catch yourself going down the "what if" rabbit hole, distract yourself with something productive. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help process emotions constructively.

Final Thoughts

Regret is one of the most universal human emotions. It can be painful, even overwhelming at times. But it also holds value—it helps us learn, grow, and make better choices in the future.

Rather than seeing regret as an enemy, we can view it as a guide—one that alerts us to what truly matters. So, the next time you feel the sting of regret, remember: it’s not about what you lost, but what you can gain from it.