How to Set Realistic Goals in Therapy

13 June 2025

We’ve all done it—stepped into therapy for the first time, hoping for quick fixes and massive life transformations. Maybe you thought you'd walk out in just a few sessions completely healed and ready to take on the world, right? Yeah, not quite how it works.

Setting goals in therapy isn’t about achieving some picture-perfect version of yourself overnight. It’s about creating small, meaningful steps that move you toward a better, healthier version of who you already are.

In this guide, we’re going to dive into how to set realistic goals in therapy—the kind that actually stick and help you see progress. This isn't about theory; it's practical, simple, and yes, totally doable.

Why Goals in Therapy Even Matter

Let’s start with the basics. Why bother setting goals in therapy at all? Can’t you just talk and get stuff off your chest?

Well, sure—you can. But without direction, therapy can feel like going on a road trip with no GPS. You might make progress, but you won’t really know where you’re headed or how far you've come.

Setting goals helps you:

- Stay focused during sessions
- Measure your progress
- Feel motivated
- Create accountability
- Keep therapy structured and purposeful

Just like setting goals in the gym gets you stronger, setting goals in therapy builds your mental and emotional muscles.

Okay, But What Makes a Goal Realistic?

We’ve seen the term everywhere: “Set realistic goals!” But what does that even mean?

Realistic goals are:

- Achievable – You actually have the time, energy, and resources to make them happen.
- Relevant – They align with your personal values and therapy purpose.
- Specific – No vague “just be happier” goals. We need clarity.
- Flexible – Life happens, so your goals should adapt when needed.

In short, a realistic goal fits your current life without leaving you overwhelmed, discouraged, or lost.

Let’s say you’re dealing with anxiety. A goal like “never have anxiety again” sounds great but isn’t realistic. A better one? “Practice one grounding technique three times a week when I feel anxious.” That’s a goal you can actually work with.

Step-by-Step: How to Set Realistic Goals in Therapy

Ready to create therapy goals that don’t make you want to pull your hair out? Here’s a step-by-step breakdown.

1. Start With Self-Reflection

Before you think about what goals to set, ask yourself a few questions:

- What brought me to therapy in the first place?
- What do I hope to feel or understand better?
- Where do I feel stuck or overwhelmed?
- What would progress really look like to me?

These don’t need to be perfect answers. Just honest. Jot down whatever comes to mind. This is your foundation.

2. Talk It Out with Your Therapist

Remember, you’re not doing this solo. Your therapist is your teammate.

Bring up your thoughts and ask their input. They’ll help you shape goals that make sense for where you are emotionally and mentally. Sometimes, what feels like a good goal might actually be rooted in perfectionism or avoidance—and your therapist can spot that a mile away.

Think of them like a personal trainer who’s not going to let you go all-in on day one and hurt yourself. They’ll help you pace out your goals safely.

3. Break Big Goals into Bite-Sized Chunks

Let’s say your goal is to "improve my self-esteem.” That’s awesome—but also... super broad.

A better way? Break it down:

- Identify one critical inner voice to challenge
- Write down three positive self-statements daily
- Practice saying “no” to one thing I don’t want to do each week
- Celebrate one small win every Friday

Each of these is a step on the path to better self-esteem, and they’re clear enough to track.

Remember: little steps lead to big leaps.

4. Use the SMART Framework (But Don't Stress About It)

You’ve probably heard of SMART goals before—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. It’s a solid framework, but don’t get lost in making it perfect.

Just ask:

- What exactly do I want to do?
- How will I track progress?
- Can I truly do this now?
- Does this match my needs and therapy focus?
- When will I check in on this goal?

The simpler, the better. Think clear, not clever.

5. Measure Progress Without Obsessing

Progress isn’t always linear. Some weeks you’ll nail your goals. Other weeks, just getting out of bed is the win.

When you check in with your therapist or journal about progress, ask:

- Did I take steps toward my goal this week?
- What helped or got in the way?
- How do I feel about where I’m at?

Tracking progress should feel encouraging—not like a test you’re failing.

6. Adjust as Needed

Life throws curveballs. Maybe your workload exploded. Maybe depression hit harder this week. Maybe your goal just doesn’t fit anymore.

No biggie.

Realistic goals are flexible. It’s okay to slow down or pivot completely. Therapy is a living process, not a rigid checklist.

7. Celebrate the Small Wins (They Matter!)

You survived a tough conversation. You didn’t spiral after a triggering moment. You practiced self-care instead of people-pleasing. These aren’t minor victories—they’re major milestones.

Therapy progress often isn’t loud or dramatic. It’s quiet, daily changes that add up over time. Recognize and celebrate them. Be your own hype person.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When Setting Therapy Goals

Let’s pause and talk about a few traps people fall into when setting therapy goals:

❌ Setting Unrealistic Timelines

Change takes time. Don’t expect to undo years of patterns in a month. Pace yourself.

❌ Trying to “Fix” Yourself

Therapy isn’t about turning into someone else. Your goals shouldn’t come from shame or a desire to be “better”—they should come from growth and self-compassion.

❌ Comparing Your Goals to Others

Your journey is yours. Just because someone else is working on trauma and you’re working on social anxiety doesn’t mean your goals are less valid. Stay in your lane.

❌ Overloading Your Plate

You don’t need 10 goals. Start with one or two. Quality beats quantity every time.

Examples of Realistic Therapy Goals

Still not sure what this looks like? Here are some therapy goal examples that are actually achievable:

- “Practice one relaxation technique each day before bed.”
- “Set a boundary with one person this month and talk about it in therapy.”
- “Journal for five minutes three times a week about my mood.”
- “Attend all scheduled therapy sessions this month.”
- “Challenge one negative thought each day with a positive reframe.”
- “Spend 10 minutes a day doing something calming (music, meditation, walk).”

See the pattern? They’re clear, focused, and totally doable.

Real Talk: Some Days Will Be Harder Than Others

Let’s be honest—there will be days when even brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain. That’s okay.

Setting realistic goals isn’t just about what you can achieve when things are good; it’s about being gentle with yourself when things are hard.

Progress might feel slow or invisible, but over time, small, intentional actions stack up. Healing isn’t linear, but it is happening. You've just got to stick with it.

Final Thoughts: Show Up for Yourself

Setting realistic goals in therapy is basically you saying, “I believe I’m worth it.” Worth the time, the effort, the care. And you are.

The point isn't to shoot for perfection. Forget that. The point is to show up—consistently, compassionately, and courageously. That’s where the real growth happens.

So go ahead and set those goals. Make them messy, make them flawed, make them yours. And remember, your therapist is right there beside you, helping you make it all work.